After teaching a class one night, I ran into Barbara (who is single and 45)in the hallway. We exchanged surprised hellos and then she asked me what I was doing there. I replied, I just taught a class called 'Its Never Too Late To Meet Mr. Right!'" Barbara rolled her eyes and exclaimed angrily, Theres no such thing as Mr. Right!" At first I was shocked because I dont usually get that response. But, it was an honest, heartfelt comment. We took a couple of minutes to talk about what we each meant and then things started to become clear. Barbaras definition of Mr. Right is a man who is perfect, which explained why her reply was so emphatic. Mr. Right Isn't Mr. Perfect I dont mean to imply that when you find Mr. Right hell be perfect. The truth is, nobodys perfect including you and me. The intent here is that youll find the right man for you, not a perfect man. Someone who has a good mix of the qualities and an appreciation for the person you are, to create the magical bond that is love. However, if you're like Barbara, searching for love with a vision of Mr. Perfect, I can only imagine the level of frustration you must be feeling. He has to be good looking, have a great sense of humor, be social, really smart, very successful, sensitive yet strong, emotionally available and stable, thoughtful, sexy, sweet, etc. Whew, thats a tall order! Know What You Want in a Partner As part of my coaching work with men and women, I recommend developing a list of the qualities you want in a partner. Its difficult to know if you have found the "one," if you dont know the qualities youre seeking. I also encourage culling the list down to the top five essentials, the qualities that you cant live without. Discernment is an important part of courtship and this process provides a benchmark for your suitors. However, the likelihood that youll find a man with every single characteristic is slim. The top five are suggested to keep you realistic and focused on whats most important about your potential partner. You may find someone who has many of the qualities you desire, but expecting perfection is really a great way to stay single. If you find that you use your standards as rationale for rejecting every prospect, this may be evidence that you arent as ready for a relationship as you think. As you meet people, I hope youll loosen up on perfection and consider more prospects. Its so easy to spend time judging each guy against every list item, but its better to focus on how he does against your essentials. For example, can you simply connect, have a good conversation and some fun? Ask yourself: Does he make me smile?
Is he a good person?
Does he treat me well?
Does he show me that hes interested?
Do I have fun when we are together? Your list isnt intended to be a stringent measuring stick, but rather, a guideline to ensure your basic needs are covered and to recognize what will make you happy. Thats a very big difference. Look for a persons good points. The more you can appreciate the men you meet and see their positive traits, the more quality men you are likely to come across. Dont settle or lower your standards, but give men a chance by getting to know more of them. Notice What Is Good As you survey the room at the next singles event, practice acknowledging what is good. Most people are naturally adept at seeing what isnt right. Noticing the positive will open your heart and mind to the abundance of great guys all around you. Let go of perfection and increase your chances for finding a good partner who will satisfy your top five list, add to your life, keep you warm at night, and make you happy over the long run. |
